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F*ck Pizza Hut

January 1, 2005

I don’t like to complain, but I’m good at it. I don’t know what it is about people that makes them avoid doing something easy.  I was ordering pizza recently.  We decided to go for some Pizza Hut.  I have to premise the story with the fact that we moved into a new home in a new area of town so the location isn’t always readily aparrent on older maps, BUT it exists nonetheless.  Pizza Hut was so confounded by this situation that they refused, REFUSED to deliver to my address. Not only did they refuse but they tried to justify not delivering to our house because it was basically too hard to do.  Can’t find a restaurant to deliver, the maps aren’t showing where we are, we’re f*cking retarded, etc.

Are you kidding me? Using this logic I’m surprized they get anything done at all.

“Yeah, we can’t make pizza today…’cause we’d have to get the dough stretched onto the pans, and then we’d have to put sauce on the dough, not to mention the toppings and, oh yeah, the cheeze, THEN we’d have to cook it.  Pfft, do you know how much work that is?”

Isn’t this what they do?  Aren’t they experts at cooking pizza, locating where you live, and delivering to your house?  As soon as they have anything that requires an iota of thought – can’t do it.  I think that’s their new marketing catch phrase – “Can’t do it.  Too f*cking hard.”

So I wrote a letter:

My family wanted to order pizza from Pizza Hut only to be left with the feeling that our patronage was not desired.

My initial phone call had me on hold for approximately ten minutes, only to be disconnected after being what was I can only assume a transfer attempt.

I called back, held for another ten minutes, only to find that delivery was not possible because no one was assigned to the area. I asked to speak with a manager and, again, after waiting on hold for another ten minutes, I was transferred to a customer service call representative.  The conversation basically was nothing more than an explanation of why Pizza Hut could not deliver to my house because I live in a newer neighborhood and it is not on any of the Pizza Hut maps, there isn’t a restaurant assigned to the area, therefore it is impossible to deliver. My only comfort was that I was assured that there would be delivery in the future.

Again I asked to talk to a manager, because I naively thought that perhaps there would be someone who valued myself and my family for future purchases, someone who may have tried to assuage the situation by offering to try and get directions to my house, or call a restaurant with high customer service value who would be happy to accommodate my wants and find a solution to what I thought was a simple problem. 

No such luck.

I talked with another representative who was more focused on carrying an ambivalent tone and chewing her gum while telling me about how they have this problem in Calgary and there was nothing that could be done. 

What really struck my wife and I as being odd is we had called based on a flyer that WAS DELIVERED TO OUR HOUSE.  The explanation provided by was that there is a problem with Canada Post.  This was now developing into a conspiracy against Pizza Hut preventing them from accomplishing the simplest of tasks.  

I would like to see a corporation such as Pizza Hut take accountability for their marketing.  Take charge of their customer service, and perhaps teach even a minor level of empowerment.

“Mr. Fredrickson, we are truly sorry for this temporary inconvenience and wish to extend to you a token of our gratitude for your patience regarding this matter, we would like to offer you a discount on your next order to the extent of ….”

This seems to me to be a simple remedy at a negligible cost to the company.  Instead I was fed with empty apologies and even less reasonable excuses with blame being the posturing of choice when dealing with customers. 

What would have started out as a small token request for my loyalty to Pizza Hut has now taken a turn for a request to see a revamping of your customer service policy and procedure.  I earnestly expect a brush off response from someone who has no vested interest in the company or my requests.  Perhaps this letter is an attempt to perhaps prove myself wrong and that your corporation understands that your client base is made of groups of individuals, and every individual does matter.

Really, I don’t think so.

Jasen Fredrickson
Parts Unknown

So this has been my update. No real jokie jokie. I guess all I really want to say is that Panagos pizza kicks ass, AND I got two extra dips. See how easy it is to please me?

Oh, who am I kidding, I LOVE complaining.

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