F*ck Pizza Hut

January 1, 2005

I don’t like to complain, but I’m good at it. I don’t know what it is about people that makes them avoid doing something easy.  I was ordering pizza recently.  We decided to go for some Pizza Hut.  I have to premise the story with the fact that we moved into a new home in a new area of town so the location isn’t always readily aparrent on older maps, BUT it exists nonetheless.  Pizza Hut was so confounded by this situation that they refused, REFUSED to deliver to my address. Not only did they refuse but they tried to justify not delivering to our house because it was basically too hard to do.  Can’t find a restaurant to deliver, the maps aren’t showing where we are, we’re f*cking retarded, etc.

Are you kidding me? Using this logic I’m surprized they get anything done at all.

“Yeah, we can’t make pizza today…’cause we’d have to get the dough stretched onto the pans, and then we’d have to put sauce on the dough, not to mention the toppings and, oh yeah, the cheeze, THEN we’d have to cook it.  Pfft, do you know how much work that is?”

Isn’t this what they do?  Aren’t they experts at cooking pizza, locating where you live, and delivering to your house?  As soon as they have anything that requires an iota of thought – can’t do it.  I think that’s their new marketing catch phrase – “Can’t do it.  Too f*cking hard.”

So I wrote a letter:

My family wanted to order pizza from Pizza Hut only to be left with the feeling that our patronage was not desired.

My initial phone call had me on hold for approximately ten minutes, only to be disconnected after being what was I can only assume a transfer attempt.

I called back, held for another ten minutes, only to find that delivery was not possible because no one was assigned to the area. I asked to speak with a manager and, again, after waiting on hold for another ten minutes, I was transferred to a customer service call representative.  The conversation basically was nothing more than an explanation of why Pizza Hut could not deliver to my house because I live in a newer neighborhood and it is not on any of the Pizza Hut maps, there isn’t a restaurant assigned to the area, therefore it is impossible to deliver. My only comfort was that I was assured that there would be delivery in the future.

Again I asked to talk to a manager, because I naively thought that perhaps there would be someone who valued myself and my family for future purchases, someone who may have tried to assuage the situation by offering to try and get directions to my house, or call a restaurant with high customer service value who would be happy to accommodate my wants and find a solution to what I thought was a simple problem. 

No such luck.

I talked with another representative who was more focused on carrying an ambivalent tone and chewing her gum while telling me about how they have this problem in Calgary and there was nothing that could be done. 

What really struck my wife and I as being odd is we had called based on a flyer that WAS DELIVERED TO OUR HOUSE.  The explanation provided by was that there is a problem with Canada Post.  This was now developing into a conspiracy against Pizza Hut preventing them from accomplishing the simplest of tasks.  

I would like to see a corporation such as Pizza Hut take accountability for their marketing.  Take charge of their customer service, and perhaps teach even a minor level of empowerment.

“Mr. Fredrickson, we are truly sorry for this temporary inconvenience and wish to extend to you a token of our gratitude for your patience regarding this matter, we would like to offer you a discount on your next order to the extent of ….”

This seems to me to be a simple remedy at a negligible cost to the company.  Instead I was fed with empty apologies and even less reasonable excuses with blame being the posturing of choice when dealing with customers. 

What would have started out as a small token request for my loyalty to Pizza Hut has now taken a turn for a request to see a revamping of your customer service policy and procedure.  I earnestly expect a brush off response from someone who has no vested interest in the company or my requests.  Perhaps this letter is an attempt to perhaps prove myself wrong and that your corporation understands that your client base is made of groups of individuals, and every individual does matter.

Really, I don’t think so.

Jasen Fredrickson
Parts Unknown

So this has been my update. No real jokie jokie. I guess all I really want to say is that Panagos pizza kicks ass, AND I got two extra dips. See how easy it is to please me?

Oh, who am I kidding, I LOVE complaining.


Rodney D.

October 6, 2004

I played BC this weekend with Martha Chaves. Good times. Kelowna was lovely, and Cranbrook took the Spectravision out of the rooms.  Two days in Cranbrook with nothing to do but walk to Zellers.  A highlight of the trip was when I was able to pick up five books from the sale at the “mall” that the library was putting on.  Total price = $3.50. Five, FIVE books for $3.50.  Only in Cranbrook, where books are tools of the devil.

In more important news, master of comedy Rodney Dangerfield passed away.  He lived a great and long life, and I’m sure he would not want anyone to be particularly sad, he was a comedian.  My take is on this is how he impacted the comedy community.  There is an energy that is held and shared by all mankind where I believe that there is even a stronger bond shared by individual groups: peace officers, salepeople, vegans, any group where you would feel comfortable around “like” people.  Ever feel a connection with a person or group?  Or feel that certain people are repellant?  Some believe that it is a personality thing, I believe it goes deeper than that.

Chortle’s article on Rodney
CNN article on Rodney
MSNBC’s article on Rodney
Rodney’s home page

What is WIERD, very very wierd, is that a guy here at work had said he thought that Rodney had died years ago.  We were watching Caddyshack and commenting on how hilarious he was – radio in the huge golf bag, great one liners, perfect antagonist – and my buddy pipes up, “Didn’t Rodney die?” I almost flipped on him, I was telling him that he was still alive, went to his web page, and didn’t find anything of the sort.

Last night I went to the club to pick up a cheque and I was really feeling odd, and really down.  I was all down that all of my buddy comedians were moving away (Toronto, England), I was just bad energy feeling sorry for myself.  I even had to leave early because I really did not want to be there feeling the way I did.  It was an inexplicable feeling that, while having it, I was really aware I was feeling it, and really felt that I was being ridiculous for feeling that way.  You know how sometimes you feel down but need someone to tell you, “Hey, you look down,” to notice?  I really noticed, and no one needed to tell me.

And today I got the news about Rodney.

After rehashing everything I’m left with a peculiar, creepy, odd, yet empowering feeling about the events over the past day. I think this kind of explained everything, and adds another “cementing” to the belief in common energy that comedians, and all of us share. He had a very powerful and influential presence in the community.

…Or I could be a whacked out head case.

Regardless, I don’t think I was the only one who felt his passing, he was one of the good guys…maybe finally he’ll get some respect.


Longview Beef Jerky

September 20, 2004

Longview, Alberta, Canada.  The best beef jerky in the world!  You kids put on a good show.  Thank you goes to Holly Clarke and the Longview Fire Department for having Daryl Makk and I perform at the fire hall September 18th.  The food was great, the guests laughed HARD. longview_beef_jerky
Daryl and I went across the street to buy up some of the world famous Longview beef jerky only to find the shop was closed for the day.  Daryl half jokingly told our story of woe as a little anecdote during his act.  By the end of Daryl’s set we had some honey garlic, some teriaki, and buffalo(hot) we were told it is “da bomb”.  I claimed the honey garlic and it was finished before I made it into my house.  The next morning my jaw ached so much I thought it was dislocated. 1 full bag Longview beef jerky X jerky chew factor = 1 Freddy lockjaw.


Friday, September 17, 2004

September 17, 2004

better put on a sweater, it's lookin' chilly outIt’s unbelievable how absolutely wonderful the world can be in the face of adversity. Hurricanes ravaging the East Coast, bombings in Iraq, porn companies FORCED to have their talent wear condoms, and yet, amongst all this turmoil, I am blessed to have the fortune to have the family that I do.

phoenix at night, or during the day if there were no sunI went to Phoenix, AZ recently. As a sidenote to everyone, bring your birth certificate and/or passport as well as your drivers licence. Things will go smoother, and you don’t have to deal with a “second interview”. Also, if you are headed to a wedding say, bring your suit, don’t leave it in the car at the airport.

Handy info.

Arizona is truely one of the most amazing places I have ever been to in my life. I’ve had some people say, “People can’t grow lawns there.” And?!? Why do people want lawns in the first place? I guess without lawns we wouldn’t have little porcelain gnomes and wire legged flamingos, nor would we have anything to fertilize, water, mow, or weed. Oh how I would miss that.

laugh across america

 I had the opportunity to showcase at the Tempe Improv for Dan Mer and the Las Vegas Comedy Festival in their Laugh Across America competition. Things went great, the events that led to me setting foot on stage are a true testament that I have a great family with big hearts, and an empathy for ambition. I won’t get into details, those that know what I’m talking about, know what I’m talking aboutTempe ImprovAll in all I showed well and the event was entirely productive. Dan said some promising things, Joe Rogan seemed impressed, and I got go home with the prospect of getting my ace back down to Tempe to cut a few more Ha Ha Ha’s.freddyintempe
joe rogan, what did he just see?

Now I have to mow my f*cking lawn before it f*cking snows.


Venture vs. Kitty

August 26, 2004

Man , oh MAN!  I sometimes forget how much I love performing in Lethbridge. I got to see a bunch of buddies, which was nice.  I got to see my brother, which was nice.  I got to go down with Kerry Unger, pretend to harass the OnStar on call people, and hit a cat…which was nice.  Incidentally, I didn’t hit the cat, Kerry was driving, I just cheered on the van.

Oh yeah! we drove a Venture vaaan – completely unecessary.  I thought that we should have at least tried to kidnap/torture someone.  Or drive slowly through a school zone…you’re supposed to drive through school zones slowly anyway.  Well, at the very least I think we had a cat questioning it’s ability to outrun a Venture vaaan.  We’re pretty sure it was okay though, it ran off, which dead cat’s aren’t typically known to do.  It also wasn’t so much a squishy/bumpy sound as it was a double thump of a cat head bouncing off of a Venture vaaan exhaust system.

BUMP-KLUMP! You go kitty. You go Venture.


Buy My CD

August 22, 2004

The online store is up. If you don’t have my CD yet you can get it from the site. If you already have my CD…you can get it from the site.

Some of the formatting has changed. Again, this will be one of the ongoing changes to continuously improve your perusing enjoyment. There have been new links added to the links page and the warning page.

Oh, and the online store is up. You can buy my CD there.


Joe Cartoon, Tour Info, and Bubbles

August 19, 2004

Ever been bored?  Stupid question, you’re here after all.  Joe cartoon can kill an hour or so with zaniness and general f*ckeduptitude.  Atomfilms is another good place to check out some online short flick craziness.

I’ve added some updates to the links section, and the bio area is coming around with some in-depth investigations and revelations of my past…and yours too.

I have some new shows through B.C. coming up, and I’ll be in Lethbridge August 24th at the Blarney Stone with Kerry Unger.  F*ckin’ give’er!

Other than that, I’m adding some new pictures to Camden’s web page.  The little rat is growing quick.  He’s been taking swim classes – Monkey’s and Minnows.  For half an hour he gets to climb around in a jungle gym, a BIG jungle gym and then its off “swimming” for half an hour.  Basically, he gets to blow bubbles, float and splash around, and pee in the water.  Sounds like when I went to the Shuswap, ‘cept the bubbles I had to blow…well, it wasn’t chlorine that burned my eyes.

Sometimes I forget my family reads this.

*DISCLAIMER – I’ve never blown Bubbles.


UK, Van Halen, and Dental Work

August 13, 2004

Matt f’ed off to England and is ripping it up over there, we’re all proud of our troops we send overseas.  I wound up finding out that Steve Patterson is over there as well after I tried to contact him when he gave me a virus…a computer virus, don’t be lame.  They performed together with Sean Collins at the Comedy Store.  Damn great show those people got.

Incidentally, I’m still waiting for a photo for your link Steve. 

I’m also getting a lot of pressure from folks to update the page more often.  I’ll do what I can, but I do update it.  Let’s call it “Covert Ops – Web Updates”, the changes are subtle and not always on the front page.  (Brilliant idea having my blog on the front.)  My bio is going to be a work in progress, moreso for me, so if you don’t find it entertaining – sorry.  I want to delve into my past to reveal more about who I am and what makes me act the way I do.  After the stunning revelation that I spent the majority of my formative years in the eighties, it all became clear…talking about my youth is a lot like…well…i haven’t been curb stomped (yet), but I think it may be similar. But, not unlike getting a good ol’ curb stomping, acknowledging my roots is a necessary part of growing as a human being…with less blood, smashed teeth, and shattered upper palate.

I’ve begun my journey by listening to more Van Halen. The drums at the beginning of “I’m Hot for Teacher” are righteous!

…This curb tastes funny. *CRUNCH*


John Deere and Sleepovers

July 16, 2004

This weekend past Matt Billon and I were performing through Saskatchewan.


It’s amazing how hard it is to find a John Deere hat through the prairies. We stopped in almost every small town on highway one, on the way up to Prince Albert, through to Saskatoon, on the way to Regina, and back to Calgary.


What was really weird was the reaction that I got for even asking.

“You want a hat?”


“What kind of hat?”

“Like a promo hat.”

“Maybe try up the road at the next town…or Burger King, I think they have promo hats.”

In other news, last night Toby Hargrave crashed at my place again.  In the past three years Toby has been the only house guest I have had.   I think I’m not going to allow any one else to stay at my place, comedians or family, to preserve the sanctity of the shrine now set up for Toby Hargrave…and by “shrine” I mean “the room that stores the spare bed,  bags of old clothing for the Salvation Army, and kids toys”.

I guess,  in a way,  it’s always been a shrine for Toby.



July 14, 2004

IT’S FINALLY HERE!!! the happy fun bus finally has a presence on the web.  I no longer refer to my stand up as “the Happy Fun Bus”, it’s been a looong time since I decided that to do so would be a detriment to the show.

NOW it can be a detriment to my web site.

Rather – it can BE the web site.

you know the rules.