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Thursday In Mississauga

March 18, 2005

I haven’t really left the room today.  It seems that Mississauga is right outside this hotel, all around it.  I’m not sure how it happened, but it’s out there.  Personally I don’t have anything really against Missisauga, but I really don’t have anything about Mississauga that inspires me either.  Let’s call it a draw.  I’ll Forrest Gump this leg of the tour.  When I’m hungry, I’ll eat.  When I’m tired I’ll sleep.  When I have to do stand up, I’ll go do stand up.  And I’ll run everywhere I go wearing my shirt buttoned all the way up.

Blech.  Not much to add.  Thursdays.  Thursdays make me want to gnash my teeth. GNASH!  GNASH!  THURSDAY!  GNASH!

I have pictures of stuff, I have to get home to upload them, I left the cable there.  Home. It has such a nice ring to it.  Home. Such juxtiposition against “Thursday” and it’s cold embrace.

I think Mississauga is a nice place.  I can see it from here.  There’s a window in the room.  I don’t have anything at all to write, and yet I continue.  It’s one of the many hazards of connecting to the internet.  You’re there, may as well spew off rambling senseless crap.  Maybe go off and read someone else’s rambling senseless crap.  Maybe I can buy some senseless crap.  Just get online, send off a couple emails about some senseless crap that someone forwarded to me.

Ramble ramble ramble…GNASH!

Man, and it’s FRIDAY, not Thursday.  This is what Thursday’s do to you.  Damn that Thor.  Damn his day.

GNASH!

Oh yeah.  I met mark Mckinney yesterday.  Nice kid.

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Without Relent

March 17, 2005

Yesterday went well, more Toronto covered.  After the sushi, coffee, and a nap I did a spot at the downtown Yuk Yuks.  It’s refreshing to see that Wednesday crowds are as amazing as back in Calgary.  Yessir, a raucous bunch who didn’t let up laughter until the night was over.  They continued their applause for what seemed an eternity.  Wolf whistles, panties thrown at the stage, people passing out…

Yep, it was something else.

So after we got down from being carried around on people’s shoulders we headed over to Spirits.  I got five minutes stage time later in the evening where the people, my god the people.  There must have been five hundred people crammed into there.  How could I NOT go on with them chanting my name.  I thought for sure it was a fire hazard, but apparently some people had camped out for several days just to see me.  Well, I’m not one to disappoint.  Dan Gordon warmed them up sufficiently, I didn’t know if I could follow – they just wouldn’t let him leave the stage.  My dear God, the love that was shared!

…and then we ate polish sausages from some meat selling guy.

Second day in Toronto – filled with sarcasm.

The shows went well.  It’s an underrated feeling, “well”.  It’s like having a nice tall glass filled with lukewarm water.  Not bad, but it’s kinda feels like drinking piss without the salty

The weekend approaches.

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Toronto Virginity – Gone

March 16, 2005

toronto_skylineSo this is Toronto.

I’m well into my second day here having had an odd experience eating sushi with Peter Anthony.  There is a place near his where they make some outstanding dishes. The service was complete with a poor waiter who had literally just got off the boat; we actually helped him with his bags.  The guy was super nice and the food was fantastic, it could have only been better if he had a clue what we were trying to order.  We wanted to share a plate with the regular assortment of fish flesh, underwater foliage, green hot paste, and rice.  The confusing part was the soup and salad that came with the order.  Peter in his maniacal state, asked nonchalantly to magically turn the soup into a salad as well so we could both enjoy the exact same meal. four salads What was he thinking?  What kind of person does this?  It made no sense, what did we want again?  Four salads?  Of course.  That had to be it.  So the polite, bespectacled waiter sloshed off in his still drying, ocean water soaked shoes to get us four salads.  This is exactly what we wanted after all.  I won’t mention what happened what happened when I asked for water AND green tea for both of us…and the ‘jug’ of water request from Peter.

He got a nice tip, I’m not a dick.

After the crazy night at the airport waiting for my flight to Toronto, all is more that I could expect. <That's right - Hot AND Sexy I hitched a ride with my father in law at about 10:00pm being my flight didn’t leave until 6:00 am, I had to be there for 5:00am, whoever would have given me a ride in the morning would have had to be up at about 4:30am.  No good.  Think about getting an 8.99 month pregnant woman (a very hot and sexy woman may I add) out of bed, heartburn, ongoing cough due to cold and all.  Get the same pregnant (hot and sexy) woman to wake up the two year old, who is ALWAYS pleasant when he low on sleep, get ready and drive daddy to the airport.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?  So I went with a night at the airport.  I am lucky my day job has a good drug plan.  That’s all I’m saying about that.

Question: Are airports always under construction?

Peter gave me the quick and dirty tour of Toronto.  I think tours of Toronto are probably always dirty, regardless of the time spent.  After eagerly piling into a double fistful of spicy East Indian Roti and a damaging round of Texas Hold ’em with Peter’s roommate Christian Hopson and their buddy, Eric Bowden (both goodfellas), Peter and I went off to the Underground Garage.  It was pretty empty at 10:00pm. Picnics Gone Wild We were the first there. Very pubby with low light ambience, Polaroid’s as wallpaper, an amorous aromatic mix of nutty beer and bleach cleaned hardwood floors, with the piece de resistance of misplaced bras lining the bar ceiling.  Sort of a slut couture I suppose.  But it wasn’t a sleaze place, don’t get me wrong, the only sleaze would have been the newly jiggle tatted skink (skank plural) who did NOT make any appearances that I could smell.  I wonder what those poor sluts wake up to the next day after something like that. “Jesus.  What happened last night?  Who are you…and you…and you…what is that taste in my mouth?  It tastes like day old stale pickled ass.  AND WHERE IS MY BRA?!?  Whew, that’s right, I took it off at the bar when it got all itchy and respectable.  What is that shoved up my…?”

Freddy in action - Hot AND SexyWhat would have been an early night turned into a rocking eve with the advent of the comedic contingent. John Dore, Tim Rabnutt, and Steve Dylan Patterson made the grand entrance forever changing my Toronto experience.  “Of all the bars…”  Maybe it was the microphones.  Maybe it was the demonic rhythms pulsating from the jam session, maybe it was the incessant cajoling of Peter, but Freddy brought out the ‘no harmonica’ harmonica.  The backup accompaniment took a 180 at the realization that no one was doing vocals.  I tore into a fifteen minute song I call “Done Too Much”.  An eloquent and universal hymn singing the praises of going way the f*ck overboard.

Toronto rocks.

Revelation: Frozen orange juice mix should ONLY be prepared in a blender.

Day one point five…done.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

January 26, 2005

Here’s some surprizing news – Pizza Hut hasn’t responded, feel free to call ’em up, ask for the manager, and congratulate them on being a f*cking bunch of skak filled douchebags. Incidentally skak isn’t currently a globally recognized word, it is a word, but it was invented by Brett Martin and is yet to be made famous…please use it liberally.

One of my recent findings trying to entertain myself on the internet has been http://www.disturbingauctions.com/. Not only can you find invaluable collectors items, but you can find garish, nightmare inducing, invaluable collectors items.

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Johnny C.

January 24, 2005

thanks for 'Tonight'I was told Carson was immortal!  This is garbage.  The king of late night…gone…and I don’t mean Conan O’Brien.  Conan’s not gone is what I mean, he is the new reigning king, no offence to Letterman.  I have no comment about Leno. And poor McMahon…and I don’t mean Vince.  First Arsenio Hall is bastardizing Star Search with “showmedemdigits” and now this?  I think Eddie’s waiting for the TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes crew to show him the hidden cameras.

When I was a kid, I didn’t know that the Tonight Show was anything but Johnny Carson.  I had no knowledge of anyone before and I was astonished that they would continue with anyone different after.  Johnny Carson IS late night talk show, anything else is just comparison.

Links on Johnny:
Johnny Carson’s web site
CNN
The Guardian
MSNBC

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Edmonton

January 22, 2005

Man, I have REALLY been getting the gears for not updating my web page more often.  It seems I have a high level of life enrichment.  Some people say that they need to drink more water, eat more vegetables, maybe study a new language…then there are those that need more Freddy in their life.  To some I am a cool drink of water and I taste better than broccoli too, je suis le pinacle, l’épitomé si vous, du sustinance… ou pas.

Last weekend I was in Edmonton doing the weekend shows.  Harold Preuss MC’ed the events and Steve Patterson was headlining.  Paul Sveen came in on Thursday to take it downtown. Welby “I need a web link” Santos was a regular that weekend to add some Filipino flavour to the mix .)

Paul “not much here to link to either”Myerhaug suprized us with a visit on Friday, with Kelly “the only picture of me on the internet has a big red ‘x’ through it” Dakus setting the bar with his guest spot on the Friday late show.  Saturday had Winston “I bet you thought I have a link, but I don’t” Herbert pop by to help out with a solid set.  All in all it was a grand time.  The shows really went well, and I got to see some faces that I hadn’t seen in awhile and new ones to boot. (*note-I didn’t boot anyone in the face, don’t be retarded

An exciting thing about Edmonton is that it’s the newest club on the circuit, meaning they relocated to a brand spanking new venue.  Along with being a new venue, they also have a green room, which Calgary does not.  I (had) posted a photo here to show the ambience, the faux antique brass bull and matador adorning the wall, with the retro velvet couch/rocking chair combination, which can only accentuate the wicker/wood coffee table and partial brick panelling memorabilia from the old club.  Tastefully done…you may wish to lay a towel before sitting on the couch.

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F*ck Pizza Hut

January 1, 2005

I don’t like to complain, but I’m good at it. I don’t know what it is about people that makes them avoid doing something easy.  I was ordering pizza recently.  We decided to go for some Pizza Hut.  I have to premise the story with the fact that we moved into a new home in a new area of town so the location isn’t always readily aparrent on older maps, BUT it exists nonetheless.  Pizza Hut was so confounded by this situation that they refused, REFUSED to deliver to my address. Not only did they refuse but they tried to justify not delivering to our house because it was basically too hard to do.  Can’t find a restaurant to deliver, the maps aren’t showing where we are, we’re f*cking retarded, etc.

Are you kidding me? Using this logic I’m surprized they get anything done at all.

“Yeah, we can’t make pizza today…’cause we’d have to get the dough stretched onto the pans, and then we’d have to put sauce on the dough, not to mention the toppings and, oh yeah, the cheeze, THEN we’d have to cook it.  Pfft, do you know how much work that is?”

Isn’t this what they do?  Aren’t they experts at cooking pizza, locating where you live, and delivering to your house?  As soon as they have anything that requires an iota of thought – can’t do it.  I think that’s their new marketing catch phrase – “Can’t do it.  Too f*cking hard.”

So I wrote a letter:

My family wanted to order pizza from Pizza Hut only to be left with the feeling that our patronage was not desired.

My initial phone call had me on hold for approximately ten minutes, only to be disconnected after being what was I can only assume a transfer attempt.

I called back, held for another ten minutes, only to find that delivery was not possible because no one was assigned to the area. I asked to speak with a manager and, again, after waiting on hold for another ten minutes, I was transferred to a customer service call representative.  The conversation basically was nothing more than an explanation of why Pizza Hut could not deliver to my house because I live in a newer neighborhood and it is not on any of the Pizza Hut maps, there isn’t a restaurant assigned to the area, therefore it is impossible to deliver. My only comfort was that I was assured that there would be delivery in the future.

Again I asked to talk to a manager, because I naively thought that perhaps there would be someone who valued myself and my family for future purchases, someone who may have tried to assuage the situation by offering to try and get directions to my house, or call a restaurant with high customer service value who would be happy to accommodate my wants and find a solution to what I thought was a simple problem. 

No such luck.

I talked with another representative who was more focused on carrying an ambivalent tone and chewing her gum while telling me about how they have this problem in Calgary and there was nothing that could be done. 

What really struck my wife and I as being odd is we had called based on a flyer that WAS DELIVERED TO OUR HOUSE.  The explanation provided by was that there is a problem with Canada Post.  This was now developing into a conspiracy against Pizza Hut preventing them from accomplishing the simplest of tasks.  

I would like to see a corporation such as Pizza Hut take accountability for their marketing.  Take charge of their customer service, and perhaps teach even a minor level of empowerment.

“Mr. Fredrickson, we are truly sorry for this temporary inconvenience and wish to extend to you a token of our gratitude for your patience regarding this matter, we would like to offer you a discount on your next order to the extent of ….”

This seems to me to be a simple remedy at a negligible cost to the company.  Instead I was fed with empty apologies and even less reasonable excuses with blame being the posturing of choice when dealing with customers. 

What would have started out as a small token request for my loyalty to Pizza Hut has now taken a turn for a request to see a revamping of your customer service policy and procedure.  I earnestly expect a brush off response from someone who has no vested interest in the company or my requests.  Perhaps this letter is an attempt to perhaps prove myself wrong and that your corporation understands that your client base is made of groups of individuals, and every individual does matter.

Really, I don’t think so.

Jasen Fredrickson
Parts Unknown

So this has been my update. No real jokie jokie. I guess all I really want to say is that Panagos pizza kicks ass, AND I got two extra dips. See how easy it is to please me?

Oh, who am I kidding, I LOVE complaining.